After a ridiculously long hiatus, I have returned. In the time away, I’ve learned a lot. I don’t know whether to say “yay” or “wow” to hear songs from my junior high years on the classic hits/oldies station. They were most assuredly playing No Doubt, which is definitely no more. Hearing that band made me chuckle upon remembering not being allowed to listen to “Don’t Speak” or “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls…at the time of their short lived #1 status. In fact my Dad would practically gag at the mention of Gwen Stefani…which now makes me say, wait, really? She’s a nun compared to this Lady GaGa character. It was upon that thought that made me realize that I had indeed crossed the threshold of getting older. I had officially entered into dorky mom-ness, phase 1.
Dorky mom-ness being 3 phases:
1- Initiation/Realization: This phase is signified by a change in thought process & reasoning skills. Symptoms include, but are not limited to thoughts beginning with “When I was growing up” “This is considered music now?” “Who decided stockings were pants now?” “Don’t they make PopTart Cereal anymore” etc.
Side effects of this phase may include shock, confusion at the change in thinking, denial or eating excess amounts of chocolate.
2- Actualization/Verbalization: This phase is signified by a vocal aspect of the change in thinking. Symptoms include saying things, then gasping at your actions with phrases such as“I just sounded like my mother” “I really just dated myself” and “Am I really the only one who remembers PopTart Cereal?”,etc.
Side effects of this phase may include sighs of resignation, cringing, blushing or looking at your high school photo albums.
3- Acceptance/or Oblivious Embracement: This phase is signified by a total takeover on your lifestyle. Symptoms include not only saying things, or thinking things, but wholeheartedly not giving a darn about sharing these things with pretty much anyone you meet. In some situations, a return to trends a la high school are seen: the resurgence of the scrunchie in your medicine cabinet, the sudden urge to go rollerblading (and following through with that, in front of your kid’s friends, with a helmet and knee pads on), the blaring of “I Saw the Sign” in your car, or writing to the Kelloggs company and asking why did they ever stopped making Pop Tart cereal??
Side effects of this phase include none for the bearer, but unfortunately many for the offspring .
I thought I would spend a good while in phase 1. At least a couple days, but it was within hours that I was in the car waiting for CG, when he hopped in and asked me what was wrong. The look of acrimony on my face must have tipped him off. I don’t know.
“Look!” I burst out, “I can’t believe it. Just look!”
I pointed fiercely at the Escalade parked nose to nose with us. The mom and tweenage daughter in the front were each hunched over their cellphones, not talking to each other, rapidly texting. This went on for about 5 minutes, until CG pulled us away (literally, har har) from the event.
“And welcome to the 21st century!” I concluded.
Then I proceeded to get aggravated with myself for being so irked by the scenario.
“Great. I’m already in phase 2” I grumbled.
But really folks. What is happening here? What are we seeing? Nothing but the slow decay of our society. A communication break down that’s being fueled by technology and media a thousand fold. That was some quality time that Mom and daughter could have been spending together, which if you’ve been reading the stats on parent/child relationships…heck, if you’ve been witnessing the trends in family relationships these days, it wouldn’t take much to realize that time is vital time.
So what’s going to happen? In fifty years are we all still going to be sitting around the fire, sharing remember whens? Or are we going to text each other Happy Birthday from the drive-thru?
I’m not so sure. But I am pretty sure I’m cruising ahead at lightspeed towards phase 3 of dorky mom-ness. Oops, I think I’m already there…