I have a problem. From what I’ve heard, the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.
So here is me admitting to you the public (and kissing my dignity good-bye): my problem is my coping mechanism, junk food. I’m laying it all out on the table here (a la carte style).
I can’t shake this habit! I don’t know how to stop this sick cycle of sugar I’m always in. I crave it, and it literally, pathetically,it makes me happy! It brings me in some weird way, stress relief! What the heck do I do? I read all those articles shaking a finger at high carb, high sugar snacks. I’ve watched dozens of talk shows hashing and re-hashing all the reasons junk food is going to give me bad cholesterol, high blood pressure, a stroke, blah, blah, blah. I know, I know! And yet, I just can’t have enough of my Vienna fingers, those crunchy Pepperidge farm cookies, the cupcakes from last week’s bake sale and (yes,) gasp! those cake batter truffles from Pinterest. (Pinterest recipes will be my demise, I am sure)
Snacking on sugar just makes me feel a rainbow in my brain. Potty training accident? Munch on some Oreos. Kids won’t nap? Have a stack of Nilla wafers .Feeling frumpy? Try some Twizzlers. You know: munch, munch, crunch, crunch…ahh all better.
How about having a token “bad day” (this would be determined by a night of 4 hours or less of sleep, whining children, potty accident, kids not napping, feeling frumpy, rainy outside, husband booking random hotel getaways via Priceline without checking with you: translation: so long moolah! No refunds with Priceline so get in the car. )
The comfort food I automatically turn to is polishing off the last of that roasted strawberry buttermilk cake, having a breakfast of Capn Crunch, a lunch of PASTA and a dinner of nothing but tortillas with sour cream and cheese. (and now I’m just going to pause for a moment and picture all of you tisking at me ‘for shame’ half in disgust and half in shock as to how much healthier you are than me. Admit it Mom, that’s what you’re doing!) Wait! I forgot about dessert, probably the remaining half quart of my Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet ice cream. How could I forget dessert?
Now hear me out, it’s not like this every day. Please, let’s be realistic, a token “bad day” is only once so often. So that yumm-o menu isn’t a daily regimen. There. Feeling less nauseated, now? But still, these snack attacks are daily! And when it hits all I want is a delicioso COOKIE or a hunk a munk chunck o’ cake or some chocolate covered coffee beans. Sweet Matilda, load me up…and send me in for a cardiogram.
I know it’s not good, I know I should be snacking on much more nutritious options. But when I read about the alternatives like hummus, veggies, pita bread, olives, blah, blah, bleck… I can’t help but think, “seriously?” Am I the only one on this good earth who feels like eating a “healthy snack” is an oxymoron? When you think of eating a “snack” doesn’t that mean a small portion of something sumptuous that shouldn’t be a normal part of a meal? Call me crazy but eating veggies for a snack is like having a FiberOne birthday cake.
And yet, as I’m typing this I think about my kid’s snacks. What do they get? Hummus, crackers, fruit or pretzels. Cake? Never! Cookies? Craziness! So what a gosh darn hypocrite I am.
I don’t even know what the point of this was. I’m feeling guilty because each time I open up my snack cabinet I see Dr. Oz’s chastisement “Women who eat a high diet of sugars and starches are twice as likely to have a heart attack than men” lurking over my head… as I push past it to grab my cookies. And every time I go to put them away (if there is anything left) I see my never-followed motto “Everything in Moderation” glaring down at me. You’re thinking I need to change my coping mechanism. Like I should start learning how to take comfort in a plate of cucumbers, or chew my stress away with some salad. I’m thinking I don’t really want to shake this habit. Frankly, I could just jot down some of my favorite comfort recipes and drag you all down with me. Strength in numbers right? C’mon you know you want to go to the happy carb place together!
See recipes links below. Enjoy!
I made it, I ate it, and I loved it: