Thoughts of Comfort & Confusion

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Thank you to everyone who has promoted, participated in, or read about the spiritual bouquet we are arranging for Sarah Harkins’ family! It is so amazing to virtually connect with our Catholic family and literally see how many prayers are being offered! So far almost 550 people in one day have pledged prayers! That’s incredible!

Also, for those of you who weren’t aware there is an ETSY shop that has been set up selling Anchor Memory bracelets (of hope) in honor of Sarah’s legacy.

il_570xN.634374924_moz5Please check out their shop and consider buying one! All the proceeds benefit the Harkins children and their future. I was really eager to purchase mine, because when I had initially stumbled upon her blog and read her last post about the anchor beads…. I wanted to order a bead right then to wear as a reminder to myself, to not take life for granted and to do my best to attain sainthood. Once I heard about these bracelets, I was so comforted and grateful! Like I said, I did not have a personal relationship with Sarah. We never knew each other, but something about her draws me to her story so much– I can’t get it off my mind, and I don’t want to! She inspires me in my journey of motherhood and wifehood. I am so grateful for her example. * Thank you to readers Brianna and Kathy H.  for letting us know about this!*

I feel like I don’t have the right to mourn sometimes. Because really, who am I? In all of this I should be totally unaffected. But I don’t know how to explain it. Each day, every time I log onto my computer and see something about Sarah on Facebook, or read another comment, I get choked up and I spend the rest of my day trying to shake off these conflicting feelings of hope and confusion that I have. Towards life, towards justice, towards mercy, towards God. And I feel guilty for having them, because I am not her family, her friend, or even an acquaintance. With that, I cannot fathom the depth of emotion that those close to her are going through. I just offer my sincerest prayers to them.

My confusion constantly comes back to her husband and children. Especially her husband, who so clearly adored her…how is he supposed to go on? At first I felt the worst for the children, but then I was thinking that it will be much worse for her husband because he is going to remember the most. And the memories, the encounters, the conversations, that’s where the loss is felt.Reading the blog posts she wrote, the way she constantly extolled her husband as her ‘best friend’ and love, I nearly broke my heart in two. These two were head over heels in love with each other. It’s completely obvious. Why, why, why would this happen? How could a loving God do this? Her husband’s grief must be unimaginable. His cross now, so suddenly, has been totally magnified and made heavier. Not to mention still having to work, and raise the children, keep up with the house all with his best friend whom he could turn to in the evenings… gone.  So suddenly? If the Lord wanted to take her, why couldn’t it have been an illness so that those left behind could emotionally prepare? The immature, earthly child within my soul stomps her feet and screams “It’s not fair!”

Then my good friend Diane offered me some perspective. So did my wise sister-in-law, Julie. Julie reminded me that St. Therese’s family had to experience the same kind of loss. As did St. John Paul the Great, as did St. Gianna’s family. As did many families in history. St. John Paul actually credits his vocation to a change that occurred in his heart after the loss of his mother. Zelie Martin, in her journal records how her daily prayer was that the Lord would take her children to heaven before they had a chance to loose sainthood. She so passionately (and bravely!) desired sainthood for her children, that she could detach herself so perfectly from earthly wants and emotions.  Did in fact these great sacrifices have to be made in order for a great holiness to burst forth in these families? Perhaps so. It is comforting to reflect on that.

Diane’s insight was that clearly, Sarah was ready. God did not need to purify her anymore here by letting her suffer an elongated illness. Her soul had reached it’s completion. So for Sarah, she is the lucky one. It was quick, and she was rejoicing eternally. Not even alone, she went with one of her babies to hold! Her reward was given because she was prepared. For the rest of us though, it seems harsh and awful and wrong…. but perhaps if we look at it unselfishly from Sarah’s perspective—it was such a gift for her. Also, now she knows how it will all work out in the end and she has complete peace…and nothing but interceding to do for her husband and children. No more housework, no more earthly temptation, no more suffering– just heavenly intercession. How powerful the prayers of a mother in heaven must be! Who do you think is going to pray harder than she will for the grace to get her family through their toughest times? If we know how passionately she desired her family’s holiness while still here on earth, just think of how much more perfectly passionately she desires it now— and how much more she can do about it! Yes, I think she is the lucky one.

I just had to get those thoughts out of my heart and out there. It helps, to sort through the questions and convictions– to share it. And to wrap it up, I want to leave you with comfort, that Sarah  is blessed and rewarded. I found the most comfort in words written by Sarah herself. This is a section of her post titled  “Our Real Home”

this world we live in is only a temporary home and how our real home is in heaven…It made me think of saints and visionaries who have had glimpses of heaven and conversations with Jesus and Mary that have showed them just how ordinary our world is compared to the extraordinary dwelling place of the Father.  After seeing glimpses of another world with the angels and saints, these saints have begged to stay.  Some were granted their request and have been taken to their eternal home at young ages, while others learned to use every moment here on earth preparing for the “ultimate reality” waiting for them in heaven.  It really makes me think of how I would live my life differently if I knew the true joy and love waiting for me in heaven.  I think I would spend less time making myself comfortable here on earth, and more time preparing to be in my eternal home.  I’m sure I would turn every ordinary moment into a grace-filled one so I could store up my treasures in heaven. “

Read the entirety of her post here.

 

+ Sarah Harkins, Pray for Us! +

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Thoughts of Comfort & Confusion

  1. Thank you for your beautiful thoughts, Annemarie, and for your obvious compassion and love for this hurting family. Just remember that God’s grace PRECEDES every suffering…..God’s grace is being given in ABUNDANCE to Eric and his precious family as they mourn the loss of Sarah and baby Cecelia. God will certainly reward Eric for enduring this immense sacrifice of his beautiful wife for the sanctification of many, many souls (think of how many lives have been touched by this great loss)…..I can’t pretend to know the ways of God, but I truly believe that this tragedy is not in vain, just as the suffering of the persecuted Church is not in vain…..Jesus, help us to trust in You! Love,Julie

    Date: Mon, 4 Aug 2014 10:13:14 +0000 To: juliethimons@hotmail.com

  2. Pingback: Postpartum pieces and bits | McSisters

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