Need some holiday cheer? Here’s my “bowl full of jelly” for you, courtesy of my postpartum brain. Lucky, lucky, you.
Let me tell you a true story. It goes like this:
Three weeks ago it was Black Friday. And I had a baby, after eating a ginormous breakfast, which was preceded by an even more ginormous Thanksgiving dinner. I looked like I swallowed the turkey whole. And my belly was stretched to the limit. I had told Tom there was no more room left, I felt like my skin was going to split in half. Funny enough, hours before I delivered one of my lovely stretch marks indeed cracked and started to bleed. Ah, what fun.
Sidenote: Where have I been since I last posted on October 6?! On bed rest, barely able to walk with a 10mm kidney stone, homeschooling, doctors visits,two birthdays,then surgery to remove the stone, then pre-term labor scare/8 day hospital stay, doctors visits, , then recovery on the couch again, homeschooling, doctors visits, Thanksgiving, Black Friday shopping, labor, delivery, recovery on couch again, and a partridge in a pear tree.
So I had the baby, my fourth baby! It was fast and furious (lol, sorry to all in the room!) but amazing. Baby boy is an angel, just so easy. Either that or I’m just super lazy this time around. Siblings are doing great, Dad is a freaking SUPER HERO, Grandparents and Aunties are wonderfully helpful… I’m getting sleep and all…but well, um, I think part of my brain died during this whole process. Like the part of the brain that handles mental sharpness, or awareness, or logic, or even proper parts of speech. Gone.
I suspected something was amiss at the one week pediatric visit. Tom and I shuffled in with our diaper bags, stroller, car seat, coats, coffees and plopped down to wait for the doctor to come in. The nurse asked me to get the baby out to be weighed, and then she attempted to fill out paperwork…asking me all sorts of questions WHILE I WAS DOING SOMETHING ELSE. I mean seriously. I was struggling enough trying to focus on how to secure these darn diapers that I forgot were the size of croutons, let alone trying to field her questions. I mean, my brain space just died lady.
So when she asked me “And who delivered the baby?”
and I looked up at her with an annoyed look as if what? What did she think? Tom delivered the baby?
I quite rudely replied ” Um. I did.”
I was seriously taken aback when she started to laugh, as did Tom and she told me “Oh your a funny one.”
That’s when it hit me that something wasn’t right in my normally normal brain. And then I felt ridiculously bad for being so rude to the nurse, when I was actually the dumbo.
Later that week, as I kept requesting we get ‘feetprints’ of the baby for his memory book to which my Dad had to keep correcting me, “footprints. Foot. Prints” and still later when I couldn’t remember the names of my own kids…I knew I wasn’t the sharpest drawer in the knife no more. (it’s a joke, don’t worry)
So, aware of this great change I probably should have kept my mouth shut when we were in the grocery store last Sunday.
When we were walking out of the store, after a nice little visit with Santa and his elves, we passed through the candy section. The deliriously enormous candy and chocolate section of our neat little local family owned grocery store. It was decked out to the nines with sugar plum fairies and gingerbread galore. Piles of confectionary concoctions and chocolate everything. Among which were stacks of huge molded Santas made out of chocolate.
To which I saw from afar and toting a kid on each hand shouted way too conspicuously and pointed,
“Look guys! Chocolate Santa!!”
And it was then that I noticed the nice, big, black man, standing about 5 inches to the left of the display. Which didn’t help my pointing because it was pretty hard to determine what the heck I was so excited about.
Also did not help that he and I made eye contact, and I pursed my lips together and scurried out the door.
At least he didn’t have a red hat on. Now that would have been awkward.
Have a Happy Christmas, from our family to yours! May your days be merry and bright! And may all your Santas be….. chocolate ones!