Cookie Conundrum

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So everyone was coming over for pizza the other night, and at the last minute before my parents arrived I kind of ate all the remaining Italian cookies we had in the house. Ok, so I live about a ten minute walk away from this awesome Puerto Rican market where they (ironically) sell INCREDIBLE Italian cookies from NYC. And they cost like pennies. So I buy a bag of a billion for like a nickel and then, yes, after a particularly long Friday… I ate them. All. Me. BY MYSELF, I HAVE NO SHAME. (they were rainbow cookies, if you must know. Also, a bunch of those jelly filled ones with powder sugar on top, and the butter ones with rainbow sprinkles and the little twisty ones with chocolate..)

 

These. Pretty much. All of these.

These. Pretty much. All of these.

 

So the rest of my story goes that I crazily sent out panicky- pathetic text messages and voicemails begging arriving guests, someone, anyone, to please replenish our Friday night dessert. I don’t know why I texted with such urgency but it worked, well… sort of. Mom called back and in the time it took her to call back, I started to feel sheepish that I ate them.

She was going to get them, but I told her not to worry about it. Especially after she started in with the “What? You ate them all? Are you serious? That’s so much sugar! That’s not good for you! You know better! You’re going to give yourself diabetes!”

Ok. Ok! I know. I ATE THE ONY!

Ok. Ok! I know. I ATE THE ONY!

 

And so we had no cookies that night for cards. But later on, I starting thinking. And what I thought, turned into convinction. My conviction was the truth and I realized, this has to be heard.

What’s really the big deal about cookies? Why are they always getting such a bad rap? Cookies are probably the most benign way people can choose to handle the hamster wheel of life with kids. I mean. Really people.

Like we do realize that this is how Britney Spears handled her bad days:

She should have just had a cookie.

She should have just had a cookie.

 

And lest we forget there is a kid out there named blanket:

Please. Put down the baby and go get a cookie.

Please. Put down the baby and go get a cookie.

Look. Do you know what I realized? People lived much shorter lives prior to cookies. The chocolate chip cookie was created in 1938! Do you know the life expectancy of people in 1938? Between 61-65 years. Now, there are thousands of cookie varieties in the world and do you know what the life expectancy is? 82. I’m not good at math, but I can tell that as the cookies increase, so do people’s lives.

"He's holding a note, it says 'Why couldn't you fools create a Nutter Butter?'

“He’s holding a note, it says ‘Why couldn’t you fools create a Nutter Butter?’

Yes. I actually spent all this time thinking about these things to build my case for binging on cookies.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?  It means that science has shown that people live longer since the cookie was created. And most likely, happier.  You’re welcome.

True. True. #cookies

True. True. #cookies

I’d say,  cookies are the least of everyones problems. Let’s not forget we still have the duckface selfies.

why.

why.

 

And oh my word, Justin Bieber. (no image needed.)

 

Frankly, I think the odds are most people don’t eat ENOUGH cookies. Like him:

Cookie?

Cookie?

She could really use a cookie. Or ten.

She could really use a cookie. Or ten. Actually, I’m not even sure a cookie could help at this point.

Somebody please give this man a cookie.

Somebody please give this man a macaroon.

 

Everyone, just calm down, have some cookies. You’ll feel better, you’ll live longer and you’ll be much more happier.

Definitely hit up the comment box with your favorite cookies (that you totally went and grabbed)

nom nom nom

nom nom nom

 

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Category: Uncategorized

4 thoughts on “Cookie Conundrum

  1. Dammit Am! Now I need to make cookies! Except I’m out of chocolate chips… what is the world coming to??

  2. Seriously, I want a cookie but I live in the country…no stores in my neck of the woods!Thanks for making me laugh, after a very long day. 🙂

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