#truth

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#thisiswhatIkeeponmyphone #writeasyougo  #sallylouwho #truth

 

  • You are only special if I had to move the furniture to vacuum before you came over.

  • A hairless dog wearing a faux fur coat is the epitome of oxymorons.

  • Stockings will always have runs in them, the one day you shave your legs to wear them.

  • All men produce 3 outfits worth of a laundry a day.

  • When you put up your hoodie hood at night, standing in front of the mall, you look like a gangster.

  • Poop in the tub always happens on days with not enough wine.

  • Talking dolls and sneaking through the kid’s rooms at night reek havoc on your urinary tract.

  •  Crayons and new furniture should never be in a one mile radius of each other.

  • Neither should nail polish and new furniture.

  • They will always pee their pants when you are running late.

  • They will always pee their pants when you are at an event where peeing your pants is frowned upon.

  • THEY WILL ALWAYS PEE THEIR PANTS SO STOP ACTING SO SURPRISED.

  • Always bank on one child loudly repeating your personal opinion about Sally Lou Who the next time you run into her.

  • If you don’t trim your facial hair ladies, you can’t blame my kid for noticing.

  • Always remember to flush the toilet during your lady time of the month. Kids are very, very easily scared.

  • Trusting a 3 year old with running water is stupidity.

  • You’re lying to yourself if you bought the cookbook ‘Deceptively Delicious’

  • Forget the phrase ‘kid in a candy shop’  holla if you’ve seen ‘kid in a Target’

  • You can never really write what you want to write on your blog, if everyone you know is literate.

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