What my kids say vs. What I hear

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1.       They say : “Mommy, when are you going to get dressed?”

I hear: “ You look old & tired. Put down that cup of coffee and get off the couch you lazy bum.”

2.       They say: “ Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mama? Mommmmmmmmm? Hey Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy??”

I hear:  Nails on a chalkboard.

3.       They say: “ No I want something else for dinner. Yuck!”

I hear:  “ Just because you watch Rachel Ray doesn’t mean you know how to cook. I can survive on bread alone (with butter).”

4.       They say:  “ Go away! I need privacy!”

I hear: “I am going to poop on the floor and make it look like an accident.”

5.       They say: “Puh-leeze! I just need some water before I go to sleep!”

I hear:   “ It’s so funny to see how easily you cry at 2am after I wet the bed.”

6.       They say: “One more book!”

I hear:  “ Don’t even kid yourself that I’m falling asleep anytime soon.”

7.       I say: “For the love, go play with your brother”

They say “ No Mommy, I want to stay here with youuuuuuuuu.”

I hear: “ I’m running an experiment to see how many times it takes to say the same thing over and over to you before you go nuts.”

8.      They say: “ Can I have more waffles? Can we go to Nanee’s? Can we watch some Kipper? Can you go get my baby doll stuff? Can we go outside? Can we go to the park?      Can we do a project? Can we fingerpaints? (all asked without breathing or pauses)

I hear: “ Can you do a headstand and sing the Star Spangled banner in Spanish while doing sign language with your feet?”

Pot Pity

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Definitely not what you think. It’s about a strange occurrence that has been happening in the Thimons house almost too regularly. It’s becoming so habitual, it’s frightening.

I’ve ruined 2 good pots since we moved into Pio’s place. Ruined them in the most idiotic, dumb ways ever. By turning on a burner, putting the pot with a veggie (it’s always a vegetable) on the burner and finding another project that needs to be done. Like cleaning the bathtub, checking my e-mail or vacuuming. Or giving the kids a bath. Or all four at once. (just kidding)

Today I ruined pot number 3.

"Mommy’s on a roll, kids!" CG shouted amidst the billows of smoke from the kitchen. I stuck my head out of our bedroom where I was re-organizing the dresser drawer. Instantly remembering the mental note a little too late..

"I forgot, I put peas on!!!!!" (a vegetable again)

"You’re averaging a pot every two days…." came the reply.

Why is this happening? It doesn’t make sense? Do I have some deep subconscious hatred for vegetables that is coming out in harsh ways? Am I just really forgetful? Every time this happens, I sorrowfully look into my pot, mourn its loss (now I only have a skillet and two jumbo sauce pots) and then CG tries to work his maintenance man magic in reviving the little fella.

So far total losses:3, recoveries: 0.

We’ve tried baking soda, vinegar, Clorox, lots of soap, letting it soak, talking to it, scraping, and burning it some more. Dead. All of them. Goners.

So what’s the lesson that I’m still not learning? How can I combat this plague of burned pots in the kitchen? For starters, I’m thinking stop getting sidetracked. Which equals having to lock myself in a room with no doors, windows or telephones or belt myself to the stove. Which kind of happened the other day when I ran to get Chubs and my shirt was wrapped around the drawer, quickly jerking me back to the stove with vengeance. I was annoyed, but found the jerk helpful. The carrots were over boiling. (Vegetable)

Secondly, I could try taking some fish oil for focus. Is ADD an age-progressive disorder? If so…I definitely have got to get my game on.

Third, maybe I should stop cooking veggies.

So, a stove belt, some fish oil and lots of carbs. Sounds like I’m in business for keeping the rest of my cookware in tact.