My Heart Can’t Stop Crying

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I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now, part due to being pregnant, part due to being a woman, a mother, a wife, and part due to being apart of the Franciscan University family. A former alumni and girl I remember passing on campus tragically passed away yesterday after suffering a brain aneurysm resulting from a wasp attack. She was married to her college sweetheart from FUS, mother to four beautiful babies under the age of 7, and twenty one weeks pregnant with her fifth child.

Sarah and her baby girl, Cecilia, did not survive. Sarah’s birthday would have been on Saturday.

family photo

Yesterday, I felt as if it were my own sister. I was devastated. I couldn’t stop crying. Couldn’t stop being angry at God, for these babies! For this devoted husband! Why? How? How could this happen? With not even a chance to say goodbye? How traumatic for these dear children. How deeply, horribly, tragic. It makes no sense to me.

Perhaps the reason for my upset stems from the fact of how close to home it hits me. I am exactly twenty-one weeks pregnant. Camera Guy is my college sweetheart. We all went to FUS.  We both homeschool our kids. We both have a bunch of little kids and hopes and dreams for more.  It scared me stiff to think that at any given moment, some of us may never have the chance to say what needs to be said…to hold our spouses close, to kiss our babies one more time, to go to the sacraments, to hug our family.

I can’t say much else, I just feel driven to get her story out there and to ask for your help to donate whatever you can, even if it’s just one dollar…for assistance to the family or assistance in the funeral costs. On the one site alone, generous supporters have already raised over $82 thousand in ONE DAY!

I don’t know Sarah, I never had a personal relationship with her. But I feel drawn to her, oddly connected to her spiritually. I began begging her for her intercession yesterday in my own journey of motherhood. I found it eerily coincidental, that she- a homeschooling housewife, passed away on the feast of Saint Martha. Saint Martha herself the very icon of domesticity. Ironic? I don’t think God is ever ironic.may3

In the midst of my making sense of this tragedy, I found her blog and discovered that she designed handmade clay rosaries. She was so devoted to the rosary! You have to do her the honor and look at her site. I was moved, deeply moved, by the detail in her work and the meanings behind the different symbols on each clay bead she designed.

I found the most comfort in her last post. And her quote is what I want to leave you with. Her latest bead she designed was the anchor. When I read her cheery description on why she chose to make an anchor bead, I burst into tears. Apparently, she had been wanting to make this bead for a while. Sarah wrote:

“I love the symbol of the anchor for hope. It is very powerful.  Hope is the virtue of having confidence in God’s mercy that we will be in heaven with Him someday.  When we have that hope, nothing in life can move us. We are anchored in God.  Now that is something I need to pray for everyday and I hope you are inspired and reminded by this bead to pray too”

anchor12

 

Sarah Harkins, pray for us!