Santa? Imagination? Wait. How religious are you?

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A popular topic in mom’s groups these days is the realm of imagination in our toddlers.  Some philosophies suggest that it is harmful and has lasting effects on a child’s psyche to expose them to fantasy play prior to the age of reason. The argument is that until they can distinguish the difference between their imagination and reality, children will only  be confused by “make believe”.  I’ve heard mothers express their concern with this premature exposure leading to increased nightmares, fears,  or obsession with fantasy characters. While this poses a valid question for us moms, I personally hold the opinion of the old proverb, “everything in moderation”.

This is just my two cents, but I think that a healthy imagination is completely normal for children. Eventually, around that age of reason we all understand that certain things are make believe and I wouldn’t say that any of us were scarred or emotionally harmed by “growing up” and discovering that the tooth fairy was really Mom & Dad (was anybody?).

Imagination and fantasy play produces more creative individuals, and in a sense, may help children (and adults) grasp the harder realities of life to understand. A professor at Franciscan University always use to say in his evangelization class that you need an imagination to grasp your faith, and that you should use it when you pray. Obviously not in a silly way, but he has a good point. There are lots of things in our faith: angels for instance, that we have to imagine. If we don’t learn how to use our imagination and are constantly grounded in the actual, physical reality of what we can grasp with our senses our Catholic faith would be ridiculously hard to accept and imagining things would be difficult without prior practice!

It is of my opinion that most atheists are so “grounded” in reality and reason that they are able to easily talk themselves out of the existence of religion, because they cannot believe something they cannot see.  Atheists cannot logically reason the mystery of the Eucharist, the existence of angels and demons and the fact that there is a heaven because to them it is  “make believe”.  It is categorized along with fairies, unicorns and the Easter bunny. (In watching “Expelled-No Intelligence Allowed” this is how one famous atheist, Richard Dawkins, argued against religion.)

Not only do I feel imagination is good for children, but in a sense practically necessary. Our world is built on the talents of imaginative people. People who embrace creativity and are able to dream of different possibilities or outcomes for various situations. Skyscrapers, military executions, stories, toys, technology, art, and practically everything we encounter in life is derived from an exercise of the imagination. Could fostering your child’s imagination possibly lead to the development of a more creative, talented individual? Is there a chance that their confidence could blossom since they are lauded for the stretching of their mind? Husband and wife psychologists & Yale professors, Drs. Dorothy &  Jerome Singer  world renowned for their studies on the effects of imagination during the pre-age of reason stage in children. They have concluded,

“A childhood rich in fantasy play thus lays the foundation for an adult life that is rich with not only imagination and a sense of playfulness but also with adaptive skills that are useful and necessary for dealing with a complex society.”

The Singers further go on to explain that developing your child’s imagination can strengthen their verbal, emotional, coping and imagery skills. They stress that indeed, imagination is critical in a child’s development for this is the way children learn to cope with different emotions or problems they face.

“When a child’s range of make-believe is too limited, he is more likely to focus on extremely narrow fantasies, leading to distortion of later reality. Sociodramatic play-pretending to be other people in various social roles- is really preparation for facing complex realities, and a child’s imaginative anticipation of numerous situations prepares him or her to respond effectively to these realities.”

So, in short, I suppose I disagree with this philosophy of restraining imaginative play until the age of reason.  I don’t know how many of us adults were confused upon the exit of our imaginative childhood years. For me, I feel like it just naturally faded out and I didn’t think too much of it otherwise. How many of us were truly devastated to realize the Cat in the Hat was not real?

In the end, it is truly all up to each parent’s comfort on that topic. I just think how do you cap that train of thought once it is started?  If no fantasy then how can I let my daughter play dress up as a princess? She’s not really a princess…or how can I let her make her dollies talk to one another? They’re just dolls…How do we read our children fairy tales ? It seems to me that it potentially could become quite a runaway train. Obviously, I am not encouraging allowing your child to indulge in cartoons, fantasy books or “make believe” to the point where they are lost in the oblivion of pretend. Simply, everything in moderation. I  think a great point is made by one of the nation’s most esteemed pediatricians,  Dr. Sears, on encouraging an active imagination:

“Your child has a long life of reality ahead of him…let them enjoy being a child”.

In regards especially to Christmas and oh my word: SANTA. Let me just say that hoopla which surrounds this  topic in Christian circles is appalling. Apparently it’s the caliber that fellow Christians measure each other by, whether or not you lie to your children. It proves how religious you really are, or orthodox of a Catholic you are.

It’s sickening. Really? This is a little bit nit-picky and puritanical. Reminds me a lot of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector. Isn’t it also defeating the point of the season, which is one of charity and Christianity?

I put my Christmas lights out and tree up the first weekend in Advent, that’s what we do. My Grandpa died suddenly when my Dad was 12, two weeks before Christmas. Christmas was his favorite time of year, and he loved decorating with lights. So I grew up fully aware that we decorated for my Dad, who wanted to remember his father during that season. It’s possible that other people have their own reasons and ways and still manage to do penance in another, more private way during Advent. Why though do we make it our business to judge outward appearances?

As for Santa. I have no problem carrying on the tradition as Jen mentioned, because that’s what we do. And I do think it’s fine, and entirely an topic that is way more non-threatening of an issue than it’s made out to be. For me, there are bigger fish to fry. And bigger issues to over analyze.

So what about Santa? It’s not real. It’s a fake. It’s not what Christmas is about, right? It’s lying to your kids, isn’t it? Santa is….well… bad. Isn’t he?

By being so rigid in your grip on imagination, you’re dancing with a very Jansenist and Calvinist viewpoint. Jansenists and Calvinists hinged on scrupulosity. They viewed the world as bad, and all things of the world as evil. But Catholicism holds that the world is good, and many things in the world are good and can be used as windows to our faith. We need our imagination to grasp the mysteries of our faith.  Our Catholic faith hinges on the Eucharist,  an enormous mystery of faith that we must use our very imagination to believe in. As  Deacon Matthew MacDonald says,

“We are called to be faithful, we are called be holy, and we are called to perfection. And perfection requires creativity. Santa Claus (Saint Nicholas) emulates Christ to us. In his humility and generosity, he shows us why Christ became incarnate. Our salvation is not something that we’re owed- it’s a complete and total gift that we do not deserve. He makes Christ touchable to us.”

How could it be summed up better? I love the famous words of the editor of The New York Sun in reply to a letter written by Virginia O’ Hanlon:

“Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence.”

He goes on to make a beautiful point

“The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see.”

Who says we can’t use the spirit of Saint Nicholas to open our children up to a greater reality, that they cannot seen nor explain: our Faith, the angels, the Eucharist? Our faith in an incarnational faith, its rooted in our traditions and our culture. These things in our culture can be windows into who Christ is. The window shows us what we can strive to perfect in our own lives: generosity.

I ask you, does Santa come to your house? Or as we say here to our kids “The spirit of Saint Nicholas”?  The spirit of Saint Nicholas is none other than that of love, generosity and devotion. The spirit of Saint Nicholas comes to this house and I am most certainly willing to bet that it comes to yours too.

“You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.”

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Lies We Tell the Kids

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Dear Kids,

Well, I hope you are totally grown up and raising your own children when you read this. Because if you are, you can sympathize. If you aren’t, and you’re still living under my roof you might not be taking me too seriously anymore. So I might be shooting myself in the foot right now.

Listen, I’ve told you these “things” for your best interest. Your benefit. I’ve just tried to do the right thing. Unfortunately doing those things, er, rather getting you to do those things does involved a fair amount of fibbing. (Sigh) What I’m trying to say is: I don’t really believe or agree with everything I tell you, but I kind of have to say it anyway because Dr. Sears says so. And right now, we are in that phase of parenting where Dr. Sears is the Wizard of Oz to us. That and Dr. Google.

So I just want to clarify, mainly to just get it out there, what I really feel about some of these white lies.

1. Ok, I know I tell you “No, you’re only allowed to watch 2 shows a day…too much tv isn’t good for you.” But here’s the thing. I think 2 shows a day is stupid too. As soon as your in bed, we’ve got Hulu up faster than you can pitch a fit. Heck, do you know how awesome it is to be grown ups? I spent my whole childhood to get to this point in life: finally having complete and total control of my own remote control. I think every adult out there feels the same way, too. We built this though, we had to endure years of limited television exposure so that we could be smart, well adjusted adults who…honestly want to do nothing more at the end of the day than kick back and watch our shows. So I’m with ya on that one.

2. Food. Goodness gracious, it is so hard for me to tell you to eat your veggies first before another helping of noodles…when all I am doing behind your back is eating bowls of noodles before I even set the table. And in my head I’m thinking “Who could blame you? I hate eating salad too. Pass the bread, please!” Listen to me: Mommy is a carb-oholic and Daddy ate an entire box of chocolate covered potato chips by himself last week. So. It does get better, I promise.

3. A consequence of having you kids are these really awkward “naptime” lies I am forced to tell people because I’m so stinking desperate to keep you asleep. Lies like “Oh, our toilet isn’t working today” when really I mean “Sorry you stopped over to visit during my kids naps…but we don’t flush the toilet during naps because it will wake them up and I just had diarrhea. So. Toilet’s broken.” These lies can consequently have quite adverse effects if people don’t take you literally. Trust me. (ask Aunt Katie)

4.I really cringe each time I tell you that it’s silly to be afraid of the dark. That is one of my worst bold face lies because inside I’m screaming “Mommy is STILL afraid of the dark”. I purposely make Daddy sleep the closest to the door because I get so skiddy when its dark. Heck, I have an entire escape plan figured out if we ever get attacked during the night. (Which totally includes a strategically placed 2×4 under Daddy’s side of the bed) I freak myself out daily when I’m glued to a rocker glider at 2am nursing and the moonlight hits the scrunchie on the floor just the right way that I could swear it’s moving. All I do replay that Twilight Zone episode in my head (which is so, so stupid at 2 am)…the one with the little robot on the floor…and when your nursing and you can’t move or whimper lest you fully awake the baby, terrifying fear typically manifests itself in strange gastrointestinal grunts and sweating. So being afraid of the dark isn’t silly, at least not to me. But,I’d rather be the only one up worrying at night instead of all of us together…and so…I lie.

5. Lastly,the stupid age old “You need to go get some fresh air” one is my least favorite. I feel so bad on the days you guys don’t want to play outside and I convince you how good it is for you, how much healthier you’ll be…blah blah blah. I, for one, do perfectly fine with house air. In fact, I love it. Especially when it’s like 2 degrees outside and I’ve got Pride & Prejudice loaded up on the Netflix. So sorry for all those games of tag I made you play when you just wanted to color. And all the times I lured you outdoors with bubbles or made you ride bikes instead of “helping” me fold laundry. Lies, all of it. That and a little manipulation to exhaust you so you’d nap good.

So there, I got it off my chest. Even if you guys don’t read this for many, many years to come. I feel better clarifying these things with you. I want you to know I feel your pain, and I get it and mostly, I’m on your side. I don’t know who comes up with these rules anyway. They might not be fully human. I mean veggies? Fresh Air? No TV? Gimme a break, this is all we’ve been working to escape our whole lives! Don’t get any ideas too soon, though. The rules aint changing because I want you to turn out right. But I promise you, once you’re grownup, mature, and well adjusted (hahahaaaaaa) we can spend the entire day inside eating cookies and watching every Colin Firth movie ever made. Oh, and we can sleep with the lights on too!

Party in 2050!

Love,

Mommy