Seeking Intern

Comments 2 Standard

For an unpaid internship. Ideal for a female student pursuing her MRS degree.

Summary of Skills/Qualifications:

  • High school diploma or equivalency or having more than 5 siblings
  • Fluent in baby babble
  • Experience with baby holding, neck support, and choking hazards
  • Ability to discipline
  • At least 2 years of medical school background. Or equivalency in hours from watching Dr. Oz.
  • Magical culinary skills required
  • A certification in as a masseuse, chiropractor or therapist a big, big plus

 

Job Description:

We are a small company comprised of a CFO, CEO and three insane and sometimes weird clients. We are in need of a calm, level headed and resilient assistant to our CEO, who directly oversees our clients day to day life.The assistant to the CEO would be expected to  be prepared to deal with a wide range of issues such as: exploding poopy diapers, crayons on white curtains, legs stuck in crib bars, drowning attempts in bathtub, bickering and of course, nap time. Familiarity with hostage negotiation preferable. Experience with cutting baby finger nails a plus. Must be a licensed driver for freak-out diving off the couch incidents resulting in immediate transport to the nearest emergency room. The right candidate should be frugal and savvy, and must never buy our clients any type of candy or snack containing exorbitant amounts of sugar, Red 40 or High fructose corn syrup. Under these circumstances, the assistant will assume complete responsibility for our clients and get the joy of bringing the clients home with her for bedtime routine.  The CEO reserves all rights to step away from the chaos for a minimum of ten minutes daily to use the toilet by herself. Ideally, we would like to find a candidate who has been through a war, rooming with three other girls, or some equivalent type of high stress situations. 

If you think you are interested in the job, please don’t call us. We can’t pick up the phone. Do not e-mail us, we will forget to reply. For the love come directly to the house and as long as you are breathing, we’ll take you.

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