What my kids say vs. What I hear

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1.       They say : “Mommy, when are you going to get dressed?”

I hear: “ You look old & tired. Put down that cup of coffee and get off the couch you lazy bum.”

2.       They say: “ Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mama? Mommmmmmmmm? Hey Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy??”

I hear:  Nails on a chalkboard.

3.       They say: “ No I want something else for dinner. Yuck!”

I hear:  “ Just because you watch Rachel Ray doesn’t mean you know how to cook. I can survive on bread alone (with butter).”

4.       They say:  “ Go away! I need privacy!”

I hear: “I am going to poop on the floor and make it look like an accident.”

5.       They say: “Puh-leeze! I just need some water before I go to sleep!”

I hear:   “ It’s so funny to see how easily you cry at 2am after I wet the bed.”

6.       They say: “One more book!”

I hear:  “ Don’t even kid yourself that I’m falling asleep anytime soon.”

7.       I say: “For the love, go play with your brother”

They say “ No Mommy, I want to stay here with youuuuuuuuu.”

I hear: “ I’m running an experiment to see how many times it takes to say the same thing over and over to you before you go nuts.”

8.      They say: “ Can I have more waffles? Can we go to Nanee’s? Can we watch some Kipper? Can you go get my baby doll stuff? Can we go outside? Can we go to the park?      Can we do a project? Can we fingerpaints? (all asked without breathing or pauses)

I hear: “ Can you do a headstand and sing the Star Spangled banner in Spanish while doing sign language with your feet?”

Honk if you agree

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So I’m driving home from church the other day, and my sister is in the passenger seat. We pull up to the intersection and the light is red. I’m waiting to turn left. Bing light turns green, and I proceed into the intersection waiting for the oncoming traffic to slow. I know that there is an arrow coming so I don’t even bother hedging closer to my turn. It’s a mili-second before the arrow changes, the last car scoots through their yellow and what happens? The car behind me lays on his horn. I shoot my eyes up to the mirror (arrow lights up now) and see him flailing his arms in a what I perceived to be annoyed manner. So I annoy-edly flailed back and him and starting talking to him to myself,

"Geez a lou buddy, where’s the fire? (sidenote: not at my house this time! different post for a much different day) The arrow just turned! Did ya want me to get creamed by all the oncoming traffic? Didn’t you see I couldn’t turn? Did you think for two seconds that the "BABY ON BOARD" sticker might insinuate there are other precious valuables in tow that cause me to drive with more caution?"

Of course he heard none of my rant but it made me think, or perhaps chance upon what could be the next biggest item since POGS. What if, every car had a scrolling marquee on the roof that was voice activated? How ingenious is this? 😀 I can’t tell you how many times Camera Guy or I have "talked" to other cars on the road and how much sweeter it could have been if they could know what your saying. Like think of the cars that speed up behind you, while its raining, and just hover (you’re in the right lane) on your tail, blaring their annoying little Subaru lights right into Mr. Chubs car seat (who by the way FINALLY fell asleep after screaming on and off for an hour). Wouldn’t you agree that having a marquee displaying "Back off, Outback, the Baby’s finally sleeping" and "Hey buddy, there’s an awesome invention called the LEFT LANE…pass me!" would really make life easier for all of us.

No, but in all seriousness, with Facebook, MySpace and Twitter…how is it possible that we don’t drive vehicles yet with a "status" bar on the roof? Please Ford, Volvo, Dodge, somebody please take my idea and make it happen! I need this! Here are a few "status quotes" to excuse crazy driving just to get you all going, you know, in case you want to show it to the board or anything:

"Toddlers in Tow."
"I ate a hot pocket."
"Teething Child, Screaming Child"
"The Raffi tape broke"
"I’m in labor, for the love get out of the left lane"
"Baby playing with a poopy diaper- MOVE IT!"*
"Late for Church"
"I have to pee"
"Ran out of Goldfish"
"Find me a Wendy’s NOW!"
"Dog scratching leather seats!"
"Kids with ice cream"
"2 dirty diapers, no wipes!"
"Spider on my arm!"

*This incident thanks to my good friend, Lindsay…sorry you had to experience that one!