Five Favorites {Preggo Edition}

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five favorties

 

It wouldn’t be a true Preggo edition post if it didn’t come out late, right? So yes, behind the ball in joining 5 Favorites this week but here’s what I’ve got for all you ladies out there with buns in the oven:

Ok, it actually tastes pretty good. The raspberry stuff. It's a magnesium supplement which most of us are not getting nearly enough of, which helps you (as the label states) balance your stress, and also reduces muscles spasms or cramping. Since I've been getting Charley horses like crazy... this stuff really seems to help a lot!

Ok, it actually tastes pretty good. The raspberry stuff. It’s a magnesium supplement which most of us are not getting nearly enough of, which helps you (as the label states) balance your stress, and also reduces muscles spasms or cramping. Since I’ve been getting Charley horses like crazy… this stuff really seems to help a lot! However if you are pregnant and very naturally calm, and not experiencing any muscles spasms then you probably don’t need this. You lucky dog, you.

 

Spinning Babies!! If you haven't been on this site, you are missing out. This is run by a midwife who teaches better, easier births through proper fetal positioning. I did the daily excersises for the last month of Charlie's pregnancy... and let me tell you, it was the best birth. I tell everyone I know about this site. Balance and alignment of your pelvis is very easy possible and an ENORMOUS help!

Spinning Babies!! If you haven’t been on this site, you are missing out. This is run by a midwife who teaches better, easier births through proper fetal positioning. I did the daily excersises for the last month of Charlie’s pregnancy… and let me tell you, it was the best birth! (seriously!) I tell everyone I know about this site. Balance and alignment of your pelvis is very easy & possible and an ENORMOUS help during birth.

A thanks to Ellen over at McSisters for opening my eyes to the glory that is coconut water, ahem that is DARK CHOCOLATE coconut water. This too, really helps with the muscle spasms and cramping.... it's chock loaded with almost 400mg of Potassium. Not bad for a sweet tooth fix!

A thanks to Ellen over at McSisters for opening my eyes to the glory that is coconut water, ahem that is DARK CHOCOLATE coconut water. This too, really helps with the muscle spasms and cramping…. it’s chock loaded with almost 400mg of Potassium. Not bad for a sweet tooth fix!

This dress is on clearance at Motherhood.com.  I have this dress (correction. Tom sent me this dress in the mail because he 'was going to send flowers, but flowers die and this was the same price' major win. Tom, send me dresses instead of flowers anyyytime you want!) I absolutely love it. I feel so swishy and, well, yes sexy in it.  At this phase in pregnancy, you gotta have a dress like this in your closet . A true self-esteem booster! Get it and then demand to be taken out for ice cream. You deserve it!

This dress is on clearance at Motherhood.com. I  got this dress (correction. Tom sent me this dress in the mail because he ‘was going to send flowers, but flowers die and this was the same price’ major win. Tom, send me dresses instead of flowers anyyytime you want!) I absolutely love it. I feel so swishy and, well, yes sexy in it. At this phase in pregnancy, you gotta have a dress like this in your closet . A true self-esteem booster! Get it and then demand to be taken out for ice cream. You deserve it!

If you don't go out for ice cream, then please stock your freezer with this. Um, this is literally the best tasting cookie dough ice cream ever. Unless cookie dough isn't your thing.... (ok weirdo...why don't you just go eat an apple instead then.) I have this, and hot fudge, whipped cream and of course WAFFLE BOWLS all ready to grab  at a seconds notice... hey. This is a pregnancy post may I  remind you, don't tell me you didn't expect ice cream to make the list!

If you don’t go out for ice cream, then please stock your freezer with this. Um, this is literally the best tasting cookie dough ice cream ever. Unless cookie dough isn’t your thing…. (ok weirdo…why don’t you just go eat an apple instead then.)
I have this, and hot fudge, whipped cream and of course WAFFLE BOWLS all ready to grab at a seconds notice… hey. This is a pregnancy post  don’t tell me you didn’t expect ice cream to make the list!

What are your pregnancy must haves? What’s been the best thing you’ve got to get through the aches and pains… and cravings?

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How To Offend A Pregnant Woman

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This is a really simple guide for everyone out there that would like to irritate and/or depress a pregnant woman in their life. Maybe it’s your sister, your neighbor, or just some lady at the mall you bump into. Either way if you are trying to get on their bad side, I have got the best one liners out there for you. Of course, it depends on what level of offense you are aiming for. So to make things easier for you, I’ve conveniently organized everything into three offensive categories:  Kinda Annoyed, Really Irritated, and everyone’s favorite Super Offended.

Here are the top things to say or do to offend a pregnant woman:

“Kinda Annoyed”

  1. Stare at pregnant lady’s belly. Ask, “Any day now?” (Extra points for asking this while they are still in the second trimester.)
  2. Ask “When are you due?” to the post-partum Mom. Especially ask this if she is sleep deprived and experiencing baby blues. Make sure you rub her muffin top too, just to make sure and comment on what a big baby it’s going to be.
  3. Comment multiple times in the same conversation on how much you can’t believe she is “showing already”. Do this especially if you are not sure if she is even pregnant. This also packs more punch when stated prior to 12 weeks.
  4. Every time pregnant lady tries to commiserate with you or seek out sympathy, begin each of your responses with the phrase “You think this is bad? Wait until _____________” here feel free to completely diminish her situation, and instead fill her with even more anxiety. Good fill in the blanks include “You have teenagers” “You teach them how to drive” or “They start to talk back!”

 “Really Irritated”

  1. If you spot a pregnant woman waddling through SAMS club or WalMart, quickly snag the last available motorized scooter and cut her off just as she’s rounding the produce aisle. This is more effective if you actually knock her off balance and she grabs onto the apple display, sending fruit and her fury flying.
  2. Walk up to pregnant lady whom you do not know, place both hands on her belly, rub her belly and start speaking Spanish very quickly. Then, pick up her swollen ring finger which she can’t possibly fit her wedding ring on, stare at her finger, then her belly, then her finger. Then, reach into your purse and hand pregnant woman a copy of “JESUS STILL LOVES YOU”
  3. From approximately 30 weeks on, ask via phone, e-mail, text message “Baby yet?” on a daily basis. This can be followed up with “Any signs of labor?” or “Call me if you loose your mucus plug!”
  4. Every time she mentions labor, make sure you launch into your own birth story with as many descriptions as possible. There is never enough information to be shared on this tactic of offense, make sure you include a little bit about the horrible time you had fitting into your clothes again and how you were convinced you would die from a bout of mastitis.

“Super Offended”

  1. Exclaim “Whoa! Is it twins?” To top this off, no matter what pregnant lady answers, be sure to follow up with the question “ARE YOU SURE?”
  2. Stare. Just stare as she passes you, or tries to pass you in the grocery aisle.
  3. Ask, “Are you done?” This question in particular poses a huge benefit of offense if asked while she is waiting to be seen by her OBGYN, after many nights of no sleep, false labor and bathroom runs. Make sure you look sorry for her. No matter what you do, don’t congratulate her.
  4. If you are really aiming to knock your offense out of the park, you can repeatedly pressure your pregnant victim to get off her duff and do things with you. Good options include asking her out to go bowling, complaining how she never hangs out with you anymore, whining as to why she doesn’t want to go play mini golf. (Lots of walking and lots of squatting= this is a recipe to completely offend a pregnant lady, but typically most successful when asked in the 9th month)

Congratulations! You have just successfully mastered the art of offending a pregnant woman. Now go forth and put someone into labor!*

*Note* These tactics are not encouraged by me or endorsed by me at all. These tactics are all real stories. Following these tactics will most definitely add some time onto your stay in Purgatory.